Month: February 2022

Zeitreise – Time travel

The skies were blue as she looked up into the wide space that opened on top of her. Her legs shaking from joy, her body swaying in a mild dance of energy. As if touched by God, everything lite up around and within her. The skies turned more luminous, the plants and animals were full of light, their luminescence spiraling out and making her laugh.
The squirrels that ran by were intertwined in a play of hide and seek, chasing each other through the midst of the forest. Wherever she stepped, grass seemed to sprout and the fertile earth underneath her feet turned into a carpet of lush green. Little lights started to dance inside her irises and with her breath, she exhaled the dark matter that had manifested within her consciousness.
The more she walked among the trees and animals of the forest, the lighter she felt. It was as if a song was emanating out from her heart that was leading her along a path that she seemed to remember from ancient times. From times long buried deep inside of her crevasses of her heart. Maybe those were memories from past lives. Who knew? Shrugging her shoulders, she kept on walking when her gait turned into a dance. Whirling like a dervish she laughed and the wind around her swirled in blue timeless essence.
All was one, the river nearby embracing her with her coolness while the scent of the tress enveloping her whole being.

Who was she at the core?, she wondered.

No one. So she could be anyone.

The Dreaming Wolf

As human beings we are extremely flawed, there exists no perfection. Some of us strive for it, but it remains something man-made: Nature is far from perfect and her wild growth shows us that there is a spontaneity that most of us have lost.
We became structured and lost our will and heart to feel and think for ourselves.


I remember being on my very first tour as a sound engineer. It was a large one, Bon Jovi to be precise (yeah, doing the name dropping here). After a few weeks of being on the road (or plane) with a crew of over two hundred people, I was starting to wonder about what we were doing. It was certainly extremely well organized, the production is one of the best you can find, most people were nice and we had a lot of fun. However, each time we got off a train, plane or a bus, it looked like a large herd of sheep to me. Follow this and this person, go there and there. It became a joke amongst some of us on tour (you cannot convince everyone). We hung little sheep pictures on each others’ cases, we made sheep noises, sent sheep pictures to each other on facebook (there was no Instagram yet),…. It was hilarious to say the least, yet, it made me still quite uncomfortable on the inside. Was I following a herd of people and just doing as being told? Back then I thought myself to be so rebellious to be this woman in sound on a tour. Wow. No one I grew up with was doing that. Of course I understood the implications of organization that needed to be followed on such large tours as otherwise things would become unhinged very quickly.
A few weeks went by until one night on the tourbus: We had cracked yet another sheep joke after a show when our head of audio looked me straight in the face and said: ” I’m no sheep. I’m the wolf.”
He wasn’t a man of a lot of words this one, extremely smart, but most likely you would run past him on the streets in Texas. But that brain…. Well, he wasn’t the chief of audio for nothing on that tour. It made me shut up immediately and I contemplated his words for a very long time.
He was right: I did not want to be a sheep. It made me feel strange and awkward. My inner nature is a bit of a rebel, swimming against the stream. It has calmed down over the years, but there is still this strong-headed person in there somehow. Yes, I am a wolf too. But was I wearing sheep’s clothes, I was starting to wonder? For the sake of keeping the peace? was I deluding myself?

Not in the slightest as I figured out last year, because really no one has a clue (as already mentioned in one of my earlier posts). Even so-called experts have no clue. They might be knowledgeable about one topic, but even there the human mind has its limits. What about the rest? Everyone’s a sheep unless you are awakening. You have to be a wolf. Certainly a compassionate one.

This morning I had to go to the doctor’s office, because, guess what? I have a normal flu. Normally I would not even have gone, but I needed a sick leave for work. Everyone panicked already that I might have contracts covid, where I have been saying for the whole of the pandemic: I am not getting this. It is out of the question. I don’t voice this to everyone of course. The vibration is too high, it won’t touch me. Full-stop. As I was standing there, listening to the assistants answering the phone about covid questions, people still being panicky, I felt a deep compassion for everyone and realized that they were all sheep. No one has a clue, not the scientists, not the politicians, not the doctors, no one. Because it is out of control. So everyone, because they are so fearful, says baaaahhhh, and gets vaccinated every three months now. This is crazy. And from the start I have said inside to myself: I am respecting the rules, but I am not being bullied and pushed out of fear and everyone’s “un-knowing” into something I am not convinced of or stand behind. The fear in the office was palpable, people talk a lot when they are fearful or have a lot of stored up pain. I wanted to scream because it was agony to stand there and feel all this stuff, their thoughts jumbled, their frequencies off, and so I went into my heart and said. Guess what? I’m the wolf here. Funny, a wolf with compassion, but a tiger can apparently change its stripes in such an unknowledgeable world.

It is time to stop being sheep everyone!
Be a wolf with compassion.

Remember what Christ said: “Only the gentle shall inherit the earth.” (the “meek” is a wrong translation- if one looks at the aramaic version it translates as “gentle”).

It is time to be gentle.
It is time to rise and stand up.
It is time to ask questions and not follow everything and everyone blindly.
Because what I witnessed this morning was chaos. It is everywhere exactly the same.

My world is different for that reason: It is luminous. It is scintillating and oscillating on a very high frequency. It is a world where everyone can heal themselves, where one is able to rest when one needs to. I am dreaming a world into being that is more harmonious, where everyone is awakened, where everyone is an empath. There exist no narcissists anymore, no mental illnesses, because everyone is doing what they love and not for money. I am dreaming a world into being where people live in tune with nature and not against her. Call me a dreamer. But so I am.
The dreaming wolf.

Needless to say that many years later I quit the tours and said no more. It is my time to awaken. After a few years you then see how clueless you still are and how little we all know. And you can be fully at peace with it.

Wake up from your sheep mode.


Vanessa

(PS: Just for clarification: I am not denying the existence of covid, but it is a virus that has existed much longer than you are being made to believe).

The search for happiness

Life is not always fun, admittedly. even though this blog is called a beautiful world.
There are tragic accidents that happen to people, one may encounter a serious illness that stops us in their tracks, and often I realize that most people waster their life away.
In silly pursuits of security, of being safe and secure. But if it was one thing that covid showed us: There is no security and we certainly cannot control anything.
But does that not hold the beauty of life?
What if all was always secure, if we knew with exact certainty what would happen next, whom we would meet? It would be rather boring to see all of it and never be taken by surprise.

It would be dreary to try and control an outcome or our lifeline, we can just experience it as it is.

Admittedly, for those of you who are awakened, there is some form of control, but how it all may come to pass, one can never say for certain.
The element of surprise that holds a key to everyone’s heart. We can accept what is and then make a conscious decision and change or remain in the same old dreary patterns that we have bought into our whole lifetime. However, for most people it is rather uncomfortable to change and worse even to look at oneself.

But once you look at yourself, you will see the world reflected in your outer world. Depending on your state, it may be luminous or dreary. This is a choice that each person can make, no exception.

So what do YOU choose? Illumination or depression?
Anger or joy?

It may take some time, I admit. You will experience many set-backs, but it can be done by anyone. You can look for this happiness and you shall come to the conclusion, that, no matter where life leads you, you can find it, because it resides inside of you.

Make a conscious choice about it right now and see the world as you wish. Will it be rich in experience or lack luster and become all grey?

Do it now and put all your might into it. You have a choice, even though many will tell you that you don’t. But you do. Dream the dream. The bigger the better!

The whole Universe in Your Chest

What if I told you that there exists a grandness to this life that you just need to start perceiving. Not only once in a while when luck is running high, but all the time, whether you feel ill or you feel healthy. This grandeur is something in-built in each human being, much like love, it is a width that opens into the whole of the Universe, it is something so unfathomable that you remain speechless each time that you touch it. Each time a little bit more. It is the inner happiness, the guidance that you never thought you knew.
It is the laughter that resides in your chest, the breath that moves continuously, the smile of a stranger, the hand that guides you through the night, the voice that speaks louder than anything, yet remains silent. You can find it in the flight of a bird.
You can find it in the message of the wind.
A musical piece, the interconnectedness that one may feel at just looking at the evening sky.

It is something so grand that one will always be unable to explain it to another.
It will leave you speechless, breathless, it will sit in your chest as a glowing coal that always is accessible as infinity moving into oneness.

It is this that creates a new reality, a universe that only YOU create.

Not anyone else but you.

Remain in this grandeur of life for it is the key to the Universe.

What a beautiful world!

This love

“I am the one I love,
the one I love is me.”

  • Al Hallaj

This infamous unconditional love that remains the indwelling spirit of all that exists in this Universe can never be extinguished. It burns like a flame in every single human being. Sleep-walking many mistake lust or affection for love. It is not so, because how can one feel love if one wants to possess a person. It is impossible.
And so, many wander around in the darkness, bound by their own desires, caught up in repeating patterns of phantasies that may have never existed.

But the one who really discovers love shall become ever graceful. You can see it in their face, their gait is different, their spine more erect, their smile luminous, and their heart glows bright for others to see in the dark. Oh how lost then everyone else seems. Only the heart is able to perceive things that others cannot. Only the heart can grant liberation of this cycle of desires and suffering.
A woolen heart, the Sufis say, one must possess: It shall become so soft that all armor and egotistical patterns are dissolved. Only then one is able to perceive the universe.
The sun is ever-shining for the one who understands this silent space within.
Peace and beauty are forever theirs.

How odd to then see people caught up in drama, in agony… Sad, my heart sometimes weeps, so I send them love. Let them shine like I do, I have enough of it all, so I can spare a little here and there.

Remember that the world is truly a beautiful place, but that you project whatever is inside of you. You create this world, so now create a better world, one where everyone can find unconditional love.
Make an effort. Love yourself first every single moment of the day.
Then extend that love towards others: Animals, plants, lakes, the ocean, people,… Once all is bathed in love, nothing can go wrong. But it may take some time.

Be that love!

A desert heart

Water gushing out from my heart, my feet dragging through nowhere.
Can you hear my call,
Oh, my Beloved?
Endless tiredness
Engulfing my being like silvery rain,
Silently the I that has long gone
Watches over endless plains.

A desert resides in my heart
Heat destroying my fickle body.
The midday sun scorching my skin
My eyes burning with tenderness.
Endless dunes of sand
Still loving all of it
As in this desert You reside.

Dizziness ensues,
Who are we
But free?

Your love that makes all perish

Lost in the noise I stumble through darkness, the darkness that contains light. Moon’s splendor I raise my eyes towards eternal light. Moon shall perish but our essence may not. Through you I experience myself. How could I not for you are the mirror to my soul? Lessons in life, I feel lost in your sense of security. Strenuously I surrender the I, not known before I met you. Or maybe we met and I just never knew. Weeping with longing, I curl myself up into nothingness. One glass raised by you, you pour the content out. You say: To know me is to perish. Egoless I crawl towards your feet.

Heart beating fast, pounding in my chest, afraid to die, I cry instead of laughing. Beauty is at hand that we seek, but nothingness comes first. Try to go your own way, she says. Lost in the noise of spheric sounds, I try to hear my own voice. Heart to heart, I never fail to remember you.
Your face has no name, your name no face. All know you, but no one knows you all the way. Impossible dreams come true.

Stars align when one speaks your name, a taste of freedom ready to burst into comets. Dying before one dies, rest assured she says that no one hears my call. Try to remember yesterday as if it were tomorrow, once you seek my advice. Let all things go for they hold nothing but a part of life. Sometimes you make me stagger along and wonder whether you have left, but you cannot, that is my own will. I sought you out and now you remain. Eternally.

A Beautiful World

Welcome to my new blog “A Beautiful world”. Some of you may have known me as the person who writes about their Kundlalini process, the former blog being called “A Life Divine”. So if you are finding me once more, then welcome back. If you are new, welcome to my beautiful world.
Even though most people think that with the global pandemic all has been plunged into chaos it is not so. I found that the world keeps on turning with or without us. More than ever before, I can see that people are becoming more aware of their surroundings and of their lifestyle choices. Certainly not everyone as we are currently counting a population of 7.9 billion people, but some have come to the realization that a 9-5 job is not what they would like their life to be like. More than ever people are changing their careers, asking themselves whether the life that is being publicly promoted as “normal” is really worth it. It is an increasingly large number of people who step out of this model of having to do the grind.
Mother Earth has raised her frequency and demands greater care, more people are trying to make an effort and I can see it in some small gestures and comments from people at work. Some inhabitants of this wonderful planet have taken the global pandemic in order to heal, to rest, to become creative once more, whereas a lot of others have panicked and gone into hiding. It depends on the character of a person.

Personally I decided to look into loving myself more, to become more at ease with who I thought I was and who I really am at the core. It had been an ongoing work for many years and now had come to a culmination. At the end I discovered that I had taken on many forms of likes and dislikes, identities from other people that did not match my own set-up. Through a rough upbringing (back in the days a kid still got a beating), being a sensitive, which I only understood over the past couple of years, and being part of generation X, an in-betweener, the boom of consumerism and abundant material goods, it all played a large part on my psyche. I did not understand that we all hold light and dark within ourselves and that is is up to us to choose in between the two. Most people spend their lifetime being swayed from one thing to another like children. In fact, their psyche never grows up. And so they never get to know themselves and just repeat what others are promoting, when in fact NO ONE HAS A CLUE.
I figured this out as I had been teaching meditation for a few years and discovered that most people were not willing to go all the way to discover who they really were. Because after all: If the next Messiah showed up, who on this planet would have time, enough faith, and enough courage and strength to follow her/him? It would be a battle for dogma, religious strain, cultural dichotomy, etc. It would never work, because each person would superimpose their belief system onto that person. And who on this planet would be able to follow that new Messiah? No one really, or only those who have lost everything.It would be a struggle for being liked by others once more and identifying with this person that has showed up. Rather I would like to believe that this sort of work is done by many. Apparently there exist only 47 enlightened Masters at the same time on this planet. Too few if one thinks about the large amount of population that inhabits earth. But only those have a clue. People utterly dislike the truth I have come to learn. They enjoy being miserable, because it means comfort. It is what they know. I had been told by many that they do not wish to awaken. Straight in my face. It was shocking at times that people do not want to do that. For it would mean true freedom in a world that holds a lot of beauty, yet, is also reigned by chaos. But it is the potential that one has to come to see, to accept what is happening now, but to choose change. So really, when you find an expert in something, they most likely have no clue. I don’t even think that I have a clue. What I have experienced so far, is but a small part of the whole truth. It is impossible to experience all of it as long as we are in a human body.

I taught people how to look for themselves again, forgetting myself in the process. I had built yet another identity, much weaker than in my life before, but at a certain point I realized that I also had to give this up. Then, left with no form of identity, the ego clings to the last bits and bobs that it has known in this lifetime, it clings even to religious schemes, or anything paranormal, but at the end even this I had to give up.
You may wonder what is left then?
Everything is left: Because you are so filled with God consciousness, you realize that everything around you is also beautiful: The pople, the houses, the evening sky, literally everything. Unfortunately, one also realizes that there is a lot of rubbish in oneself as well as others and often it comes with great disappointment. But even that one learns to give up and what remains is just bits and bobs of truth, which is ever-expanding and ever-changing. It is a complete loss of identity. In Sufism it is called nothingness, the opening of the heart, the Yogis call it shunya, the void. Out of this void one can be filled.


Currently I am trying to going back to the “real world” where one earns money in a normal job and i am finding that I can enjoy almost everything, but that I know that this is not it. The search for the self has ended and now I am looking for true happiness, for the fulfillment in life that I have been searching for. I am also realizing that just doing a job because of money reasons still is not me.

So instead, I am starting to look for continuous happiness. If I am able to find that inside of me, no matter what, then that is the freedom everyone should be seeking, because we all have ups and downs. Life goes in mysterious ways and we can never control these things. We need to accept a certain factor of unease and not knowing what comes next. We have to build up the courage to say: I do not know. In the eyes of the world it may often seem as one being a looser, but it is the work of those who wish to be happy. We all have our fears and our anger that is stored up somewhere. We are being continuously triggered by outward circumstances, be people, by situations, by our surroundings and news. But it is up to us to decide whether we would like to become more of a witness or being swayed continuously by outward circumstances.

Instead of talking about all the negative things in this world, I would like to bring you beauty, joy, and hopefully love, and parts of the truth that is to be found everywhere that we look at.


Most people miss out on it, because they are so busy with themselves and tuning out all that is happening that they miss the beauty of life.
But let me tell you that it is to be found everywhere you look. The key is to look for love first before you can find beauty. Otherwise it is a lost cause.

Just remember that you are never alone and that you will only find harmony when you decide to live a balanced life in all layers of your psyche, your body, your emotions, and your mind.

Welcome to the discovery of beauty.

Vanessa