The Dreaming Wolf

As human beings we are extremely flawed, there exists no perfection. Some of us strive for it, but it remains something man-made: Nature is far from perfect and her wild growth shows us that there is a spontaneity that most of us have lost.
We became structured and lost our will and heart to feel and think for ourselves.

I remember being on my very first tour as a sound engineer. It was a large one, Bon Jovi to be precise (yeah, doing the name dropping here). After a few weeks of being on the road (or plane) with a crew of over two hundred people, I was starting to wonder about what we were doing. It was certainly extremely well organized, the production is one of the best you can find, most people were nice and we had a lot of fun. However, each time we got off a train, plane or a bus, it looked like a large herd of sheep to me. Follow this and this person, go there and there. It became a joke amongst some of us on tour (you cannot convince everyone). We hung little sheep pictures on each others’ cases, we made sheep noises, sent sheep pictures to each other on facebook (there was no Instagram yet),…. It was hilarious to say the least, yet, it made me still quite uncomfortable on the inside. Was I following a herd of people and just doing as being told? Back then I thought myself to be so rebellious to be this woman in sound on a tour. Wow. No one I grew up with was doing that. Of course I understood the implications of organization that needed to be followed on such large tours as otherwise things would become unhinged very quickly.
A few weeks went by until one night on the tourbus: We had cracked yet another sheep joke after a show when our head of audio looked me straight in the face and said: ” I’m no sheep. I’m the wolf.”
He wasn’t a man of a lot of words this one, extremely smart, but most likely you would run past him on the streets in Texas. But that brain…. Well, he wasn’t the chief of audio for nothing on that tour. It made me shut up immediately and I contemplated his words for a very long time.
He was right: I did not want to be a sheep. It made me feel strange and awkward. My inner nature is a bit of a rebel, swimming against the stream. It has calmed down over the years, but there is still this strong-headed person in there somehow. Yes, I am a wolf too. But was I wearing sheep’s clothes, I was starting to wonder? For the sake of keeping the peace? was I deluding myself?

Not in the slightest as I figured out last year, because really no one has a clue (as already mentioned in one of my earlier posts). Even so-called experts have no clue. They might be knowledgeable about one topic, but even there the human mind has its limits. What about the rest? Everyone’s a sheep unless you are awakening. You have to be a wolf. Certainly a compassionate one.

This morning I had to go to the doctor’s office, because, guess what? I have a normal flu. Normally I would not even have gone, but I needed a sick leave for work. Everyone panicked already that I might have contracts covid, where I have been saying for the whole of the pandemic: I am not getting this. It is out of the question. I don’t voice this to everyone of course. The vibration is too high, it won’t touch me. Full-stop. As I was standing there, listening to the assistants answering the phone about covid questions, people still being panicky, I felt a deep compassion for everyone and realized that they were all sheep. No one has a clue, not the scientists, not the politicians, not the doctors, no one. Because it is out of control. So everyone, because they are so fearful, says baaaahhhh, and gets vaccinated every three months now. This is crazy. And from the start I have said inside to myself: I am respecting the rules, but I am not being bullied and pushed out of fear and everyone’s “un-knowing” into something I am not convinced of or stand behind. The fear in the office was palpable, people talk a lot when they are fearful or have a lot of stored up pain. I wanted to scream because it was agony to stand there and feel all this stuff, their thoughts jumbled, their frequencies off, and so I went into my heart and said. Guess what? I’m the wolf here. Funny, a wolf with compassion, but a tiger can apparently change its stripes in such an unknowledgeable world.

It is time to stop being sheep everyone!
Be a wolf with compassion.

Remember what Christ said: “Only the gentle shall inherit the earth.” (the “meek” is a wrong translation- if one looks at the aramaic version it translates as “gentle”).

It is time to be gentle.
It is time to rise and stand up.
It is time to ask questions and not follow everything and everyone blindly.
Because what I witnessed this morning was chaos. It is everywhere exactly the same.

My world is different for that reason: It is luminous. It is scintillating and oscillating on a very high frequency. It is a world where everyone can heal themselves, where one is able to rest when one needs to. I am dreaming a world into being that is more harmonious, where everyone is awakened, where everyone is an empath. There exist no narcissists anymore, no mental illnesses, because everyone is doing what they love and not for money. I am dreaming a world into being where people live in tune with nature and not against her. Call me a dreamer. But so I am.
The dreaming wolf.

Needless to say that many years later I quit the tours and said no more. It is my time to awaken. After a few years you then see how clueless you still are and how little we all know. And you can be fully at peace with it.

Wake up from your sheep mode.


(PS: Just for clarification: I am not denying the existence of covid, but it is a virus that has existed much longer than you are being made to believe).

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