Layers of love

This morning I read a post by Sri M where he stated that Swami Vivekananda said that the only thing that you need on a spiritual path is love. The amount of love that runs through a person determines their progression.

I had been struggling with some fear-based concepts and given into a bit of despair that had kept me locked in place. I always suffer when this happens. It was only me, but no one else and so I needed to return to love. Apparently Swami Vivekananda said that if one cannot feel the pain of others, one does not have any love. So I must have tons of love, because I feel all this all the time now. It has not seized. Sometimes it increases and sometimes it diminishes a little. That’s all. But it is always there. And trust me that when I say that there is a lot of suffering in this world. So many people are unwell, may it be in their hearts, their mental states or later on in their physical bodies. Most people are just not well. They may put up a smile or be very cheerful, but inside that pain is boiling over and emanating to the outside.

Of course I still get this as well. If I was free of pain, I would be lying. I always thought that awakening guaranteed stellar health, but it does not. It is a two-edged sword that takes an extremely long time. With love and patience one has to work through many layers of consciousness, of one’s feelings to understand what is happening in one’s life. One becomes always more vulnerable instead of stronger. It is a misconception that awakening will grant tons of strength. It does not.

It is a continuous opening of the heart where we need to understand ourselves with love and let the light shine in as well as out in order to spread this love around. Then there can only be strength in vulnerability.

Let the light be there for others to see. Shine brightly and be who you really are: An emanation of the divine, walking on an earthly planet.


Dismantling of the ego


A big word with three letters.
We all have one and often it is standing in our way of happiness.
It can even create physical issues.
When we become selfish we create our own suffering over and over and over again until we realize that we are our own worst enemy.

Someone said to me once: “I don’t have an ego!”
I remember looking at him quizzically, not mentioning that every person has one to some extent.
In some it creates an ego pride, a sort of masking of how we truly are. Even a sense of superiority.
In some it creates intense shyness and a hiding from the world, a not wanting to confront one’s issues.
In some it creates a form of judgmental alter-ego. Everyone is wrong and I am right.
And most times it seems to be a combination of several at once.

For sure in my case they are all in there.
The more one notices the nuances that the ego structure creates, the harder it will be. I used to think it would get easier, but it just gets harder all the time. Because some nuances are so subtle that one may miss them and then discard them as someone else’s. It can also be a shocking moment that there are nuances of violence, hate, aggression, jealousy, or any other element in there. His Holiness the Dalai Lama said once that he still has emotions, but that he lets them run through him. He does not grasp, attach, or react. What a superhuman feat.

It is best to become the witness and to see where we still react, where we may still have an old belief structure that is a form of ego tendency.
The more we understand ourselves, the better we also know others.
Which is a bit much and often scary, because people will be unable to lie to one or hide anything. You can know things about them that they don’t even know about themselves.

Hence, let us all try to be less ego-centric and more altruistic.
The truth has many versions and shades of grey, but the more the ego structure falls away, the more access one has to the full scope of the bits and bobs of truth.

Then we can take reality as it is.
Not as a form of escape.

Om shanti


You are the illness and you are the cure

“You are everything that is wrong with me.
But at the same time, you are my sickness.
Oh, what can I say?
You are everything to me.
My virtue, my vice.
My sickness and my remedy.”

– Nizami

Morsels of Grace we are in a Universe that is so vast that it is impossible to comprehend.
With each breath, with each step that we take, with each smile that we cast at another, we evolve and can let ourselves fall into the abyss that is infinite.
How then can we walk in despair for everything that we touch, see, smell, and experience is part of this Grace?
Is it not that we should rejoice in our very existence, for this existence consists of sound. A universal sound, and each human Being is its harmony. A large resonant body that is being attuned to the Universe. If we loose this resonance, we fall ill, become depressed, and forget that this sound is the very nature which expresses itself in the feeling of love.
We should fall in love each and every moment, every step of the way. Fall in love with ourselves, fall in love with others, with life itself and experience the grandness of a life that is. We cannot stand to be separated from this frequency of love for the the very fabric of life is made from it all. All is constructed in this eternal love.
It is only us who become too blind to see, too caught up in every day life to experience harmony, too confused to understand that we are our own illness, yet, we remain our own cure. That no doctor, no healer, no one can heal us but ourselves. Everything else is but a mirage as we create often a convoluted universe, a restricted way of being. Do not let yourself be trodden down by others. Elevate the Self by the Self. Be brilliant and be wonderful towards yourself.

And you will see that you will experience harmony.


We create or uncreate

As humans we create our own reality or have the power to uncreate it.

Over the past few weeks, being hit by waves of despair and suffering from a war that is raging, after nearly having passed covid, I felt myself spiraling into a strange space of fear. I knew that it was still fear I was battling with internally but partially it was the fear from the outside that stirred it up. As within so without.
I started diving into metaphysics again which I had promised myself not to do. The downward spiral continued and I felt myself getting pulled back into a sort of black and white dichotomy, a duality I thought that I had lost.

I started reading things on the net, consulted some books and the further down I went into the rabbit hole, the more I got lost. We get los tin our trajectories and only notice when we are fully in it. This is how we create or in my case uncreate something beautiful and loving.
So I went in search of where this came from: It came from a place that feels lonely, nearly shut off, a place where deep pain is buried. A fear stemming from an ego that is not ready to be fully transformed, where there resides still hardness. It came from a strange place that wanted a safety net where there is none, where one has to go with a blindfold and tied up hands. Humans love to control things and question everything. I had gone down the rabbit hole of recreating another matrix where also there was none left.

It has gotten better, I am becoming less arrogant, more humble, more loving, more understanding. If someone is angry and it triggers anger in me, then I look at the other person in compassion and look at my own anger and where it stems from. If the other person is deeply sad, and if it is still resonating, then I need to take a look at where my sadness is coming from.
They are anchors on a path that will never end until we die.

Mirrors of our own reflection of how much we all need attention, how much we all stay children, how much we all want to be loved. We all want to be special and gifted. We all are in a certain way but we are not. It is a screaming towards the heavens that we need this attention because we do not know any better. We do not know that God consciousness loves us. It resides in the cavity of our own hearts. There is no punishment after death (trust me I have been there and back), there is no one sending you to hell, and there is certainly no one judging you. You are your worst judge and enemy. Because God is all merciful and all forgiving. The war is raging inside of you. And we all find excuses to bring that war to our doorstep (some people take this literal) and destroy others with it.

But still, as much as I uncreated, I know I will create over the next few weeks and enjoy the beauty of life once more. Where there is hell there is also heaven.

Have a beautiful and hopefully peaceful Easter period.


Have less- be more

Little birds waking me up in the morning.
Tapping on my window,
Shadows of the night just disappear.
Tears that we cried yesterday
Are dried today.

Tired I lift my head to see,
But all that is left is only me.
Tired old me.
Walking along
A path I do not know.

Laughter resonating through my Being,
Nature’s call is the only one
To be followed.
Hallowed be Thy name.
Holy city,
Walking amongst ghosts.
Let Your enemies vanish
And love shine through.

Let your fears melt away,
So that love can take part in
This game of never-ending
Fools running around.
Once we were children
That never asked a thing.

Now adults
We question all.
Happiness pervades us
As we never learn to be,
Thinking constantly
We forget the lightness of being.
And shed tears of
Diamond scars.

What have we become if not
That we lost on the way?

So let us pick up where we left off
And find it again.
Have less
And be more.

We are vagabonds

Mirror touch synesthesia. Odd thing to have in a world that is down trodden with fear. Mirror neurons process things from others and make it seem as if it was one’s own. Or it actually is.
The good and the bad stuff. On sunny days when people are happy, I am actually ecstatic. When people are miserable, it is like sodom and gomorrha.
It is also called being a super empath having a superhuman DNA. Welcome to the club and I hope that you may not be one. Or maybe you are one and you are not living in a “normal” world.
I am and it is a living nightmare I have to say. Trying to sift through one’s own energy and also that of others is a tiring business. And guess what: It is a gift.
Because no one can lie to you, no one can pretend that they like you, you even see right through their facade. Even others are not aware of what they truly are. They see themselves in a very convoluted state of being, an image that the ego has built up.
So where does it leave one? It leaves one having to step out of the comfort zone. You have to find a job that is just not normal to everyone else. You have to live a life that corresponds to your empath abilities.
I have tried for six months to live in the normal world. Whereas it is extremely beautiful, I am deeply challenged to hold a normal job due to emotions of others, thought-forms, diseases, etc. Whatever you can imagine, it does actually exist.
Where does it leave me? Nowhere I would say. It leaves me in an in-between world that is mesmerizing, extremely beautiful, colorful, and not known to others. But on the other hand: It is detrimental to be in public most times.

What to do as a super human empath?

You just take some time out and you leave everything behind.
As always, we are the vagabonds, the gypsies, the artist, the writer, the healer, and the magician, the witch that heals with herbs. We are the outcasts and the pirates. We are nothing, so we can be love.
Filled with light, we radiate into infinity.


Unpacking the Matrix

The conscious collective can have tremendous effects upon each and every individual: It can be uplifting in times of joy, but in times of turmoil such as the last two years, it can be detrimental to one’s health and one’s well-being.
I am calling it “unpacking the matrix”. Often I have these experiences where I see particles and see the reality of things, which, in its essence is nothingness. In previous years I have called it the holographic reality, because each and everything that we are experiencing is also an experience that the Creator is having and only serves for us and Him to learn and to evolve. It is our reaction towards this reality that we need to change. We can tap into the conscious collective when we need knowledge of some form, may this be theoretical or practical experience. Especially the creative side is very accessible within the holographic reality. We can create or uncreate at our own will.
But for this we need to go through the process of unpacking our emotions. Often we blame outer circumstances for our discomfort: First it was covid and now it is the war in the Ukraine.
Why is it that some people have evolved with the covid pandemic and why have some people reacted with a lot of fear and and even outright aggression. Some of us have taken a stance where we said that we are not in agreement with this. Some have played the victim: Oh, it is covid that is making me feel lonely, depressed, or horrible. But it is not so much the situation of covid or now the war in the Ukraine, but our inside that is telling us what is good or bad for us. It is our pain turned from the inside out. We project our own way of feeling and being onto others and then blame outward circumstances for it.

Connecting with your emotions

The only thing that we need to do is too look inside of us and whenever we need to, to just be in touch with our inner selves so that we can experience what we need to.
In essence it is a reflection of our own emotions. No person, place or circumstance can make you feel uncomfortable. This is all inside of you. Any formation of a disease, any form of anxiety or discomfort we may be feeling due to outer circumstances, is all right inside of us. They are emotions that we have not processed or are afraid of feeling, because it can be shocking that each one of us has a certain amount of pain, jealousy, hatred, and anger. Of course there are more emotions than that. So we need to dive in and feel them. Do not shut them out, but rather let them come to the surface and acknowledge them. don’t be so hard on yourself either. It is a very long process to see this.
Of course it is much easier to blame our friend, parent, employer, healer, doctor, etc. for our misfortune. I have done it many times in my life and still sometimes do it, but what it is is that in that moment I am playing the victim. So it could be covid or anything else that we can blame, but essentially we need to realize our own divinity and then claim back power by acknowledging that sometimes we feel all these sensations due to our own (insert here: laziness, sadness, depression, etc.).

Becoming neutral

If you are getting the point, then welcome to unpacking the matrix. The matrix is just another one of our universes or realities. There have been an infinite amount of them that were created by ourselves. Try to be here now and instead of finding fault in others, look into yourself. Why is it that you don’t like another person? It is usually because they mirror some aspect of yourself that you are uncomfortable with. Maybe that person has a lot of anger or resentment. Then this will come up inside of you. It may even be the case that you just get a feeling of being uncomfortable and that’s it. Or a feeling of neutrality once the emotional charge is released.
It is a rather bizarre feeling to become neutral, because it feels as if we lost touch with everyone around us. But it is not so, because it gives one the freedom to really understand what one is NOT. You have finally disconnected from the conscious collective and realized that you are zero. Neutral. You are void.
Of course the ego does not like this and will put up resistance. But that is okay, you can practice many times to become nothing.

Walk your own path

No matter how many seminars you may attend, healers that you see, teachers that you have been with, no matter how many religious scriptures you may have read, it is time to look inside of yourself and ask yourself: What is going on inside of me? Feel the full effect of all of it. Just be in that one moment in time where you feel everything fully. Then thank that person or circumstance for helping you to change and let it go. Walk away from it.

Lesson learned

Once you have fully understood and learned the lesson, the problem will disappear. Of course then the next one will come along, so that we can evolve. In between one usually gets periods of peace, love, or contentment. The lesson is fully gone if it never happens again in your lifetime. Means you have graduated form that level of consciousness (or unconsciousness) and you can now move onto the next one.
It can be a bit tedious, but after a few years you will get the hang of it.
Then the matrix as it seems real and touchable, palpable, will disappear bit by bit. It is impossible to understand this if you only experience it once. You can only understand it if you experience it many times. Even then it stays something extraordinary to say the least. I am aware that this is not a “normal” phenomenon, but it is definitely something one would like to witness at least once in their lifetime.

Happy matrix time everyone!