We create or uncreate

As humans we create our own reality or have the power to uncreate it.

Over the past few weeks, being hit by waves of despair and suffering from a war that is raging, after nearly having passed covid, I felt myself spiraling into a strange space of fear. I knew that it was still fear I was battling with internally but partially it was the fear from the outside that stirred it up. As within so without.
I started diving into metaphysics again which I had promised myself not to do. The downward spiral continued and I felt myself getting pulled back into a sort of black and white dichotomy, a duality I thought that I had lost.

I started reading things on the net, consulted some books and the further down I went into the rabbit hole, the more I got lost. We get los tin our trajectories and only notice when we are fully in it. This is how we create or in my case uncreate something beautiful and loving.
So I went in search of where this came from: It came from a place that feels lonely, nearly shut off, a place where deep pain is buried. A fear stemming from an ego that is not ready to be fully transformed, where there resides still hardness. It came from a strange place that wanted a safety net where there is none, where one has to go with a blindfold and tied up hands. Humans love to control things and question everything. I had gone down the rabbit hole of recreating another matrix where also there was none left.

It has gotten better, I am becoming less arrogant, more humble, more loving, more understanding. If someone is angry and it triggers anger in me, then I look at the other person in compassion and look at my own anger and where it stems from. If the other person is deeply sad, and if it is still resonating, then I need to take a look at where my sadness is coming from.
They are anchors on a path that will never end until we die.

Mirrors of our own reflection of how much we all need attention, how much we all stay children, how much we all want to be loved. We all want to be special and gifted. We all are in a certain way but we are not. It is a screaming towards the heavens that we need this attention because we do not know any better. We do not know that God consciousness loves us. It resides in the cavity of our own hearts. There is no punishment after death (trust me I have been there and back), there is no one sending you to hell, and there is certainly no one judging you. You are your worst judge and enemy. Because God is all merciful and all forgiving. The war is raging inside of you. And we all find excuses to bring that war to our doorstep (some people take this literal) and destroy others with it.

But still, as much as I uncreated, I know I will create over the next few weeks and enjoy the beauty of life once more. Where there is hell there is also heaven.

Have a beautiful and hopefully peaceful Easter period.

Vanessa

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