Aura-deprived

This sadness is back. Ever since I was a little child it has been with me. I do not know where it stems from. Over the last years I have tried to find solutions for my very severe energetic problems: It feels as if I am permeable. I have been all my life. I have just become aware of it. People take energy from me, dump their stuff on me, I absorb things and I have tried many methods and ways. I have been to shamans, healers, have sat with enlightened teachers. Nothing.
Until yesterday when I sat with another teacher where she finally told me that I do not have an aura. It made me really upset. How can I not have an aura? Is this not supposed to be there? She said due to that I am a sort of energy slave to everyone.
This is how it feels like. When I asked where it came from she said that a part of me does not want to be here. Which is somehow true.
From a young age I have dreamt of the Ottoman Empire, I have dreamt of Moguls, Emperors, I have dreamt of the Chinese Emperor once. They are memories, deeply ingrained in us. I have dreamt of being a Native American running around and being in a war. I was a warrior in that period. I have dreamt of many things, of streets full of riches that are unimaginable in this day and age. I have always found this lifetime too rapid, too “on the surface”. It lacks depth and richness. Time races by and I feel that no one ever has time to be slow and to contemplate things. I have always longed for the olden days when things were slower and have battled this inherent sadness that has been dwelling there for many lifetimes.

So how do I get my aura back? I am starting to wonder, because like this it is impossible to exist in a world that thrives on stress and speed. Even neighbors are taking energy through walls. It has become unbearable. My sleeping place is at the other end of the apartment where not all bedrooms are on top, because otherwise I either cannot sleep or I dream everyone else’s dreams but my own. The teacher said to wait until we have a single session but that I need to take a look from which lifetime this is coming from and I need to want to be here. How do you reverse engineer something that has been going on for 41 years in this lifetime and who knows how many lifetimes before that?
Maybe this is the price for being one with God consciousness from an early age? But that does not make much sense at all. How could consciousness want a person to become this depleted?
Over the past years I have learned to take care of myself, to rest, to really look after myself. I don’t drink, smoke, I rest, I go into nature. It has been a strange quest that has started a long time ago to finally hear a verdict. No aura.

How to get an aura back…
This shall be my new quest then.
If you don’t have an aura or you know how to get your aura back, then please do get in touch!

Vanessa

2 thoughts on “Aura-deprived

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