“To recognize the beauty of the world, one must understand its suffering.”
– Vanessa Ferstl
Having spent nearly 6 years in self-imposed spiritual asylum, I feel that I have explored my own depth sufficiently and am ready to face the world as it is. Not only to see its suffering, but the potential and the beauty behind it.
40 years after the Vietnam war, it is still palpable in global consciousness and we must come to an understanding that we are never free from the impact of any historical events. We may live at the other end of the world or may have been born many decades later, but the ripples of these happenstances remain in the atmosphere and are ingrained in our energetic set-up. We cannot stand alone as we are all part of one consciousness. Whatever I do or not do on any given day, will have an effect on others. This is not only through my surroundings but throughout this planet and out into the Universe.
Hence, any historical happenstances are still ingrained into my consciousness and my nervous system. Spiritual development is to unpack these events, to accept them and realize that we all have our part to play in this world. With spiritual development one frees themselves and can come out of the rat-race. Admittedly, it is rather hard as one is being met with a lot of resistance when one wishes to follow this path. Often it can be like Dante’s ninth circle of hell. It is not for the faint of heart.
The Vietnam war has been buried in historical facts and misgivings for a long time. It may have been forgotten, but opening the newspaper today, there it was printed in black and white right in front of me. It ripped open not only a grudge within me, but it triggered my willpower and inner strength. My health may be frail but my will is impenetrable. It triggered something so deeply buried that I had forgotten all about it: One must fight one’s own battles when it comes to every-day life. In extreme situations such as wars or even pandemics one may recognize one’s inner strengths or weaknesses. During the whole of the pandemic I remained steadfast. I said that I will not get covid and will not be bullied by a system into getting a vaccine that has not been tested. Everyone else can be there as a human rat, but I am not bowing down to that. It was rough to be honest, especially last winter when I met a lot of resistance through clients at work, but I decided that it is my body and at least I can control up to a certain extent what can go into it. During war times no one has any say- there are forces at work that most people do not seem to comprehend. We are a dulled down mass of people. We are too content in my personal opinion. We are all too busy with being made into modern slaves as to wake up to the bigger picture. This does not mean to start a new revolution, but rather to think for oneself, to stand up for one’s values and not to be dragged down by everyone’s fears and paranoia. But in the name of an unconditional love, of a flame that burns brightly within each and every individual. You have a choice! You can get out of the conscious collective- disconnect from it. I definitely felt psychically pressured many times and had a few cries here and there, but I know that deep down inside I cannot be touched.
Back to the Vietnam war, I still feel enraged that 40 years after no one has solved this mystery. After having gone through French colonialism first, then the Vietnam war with agent Orange, at the same time a cold war from soviets as much as the US, one part of Vietnam under communist regime, the other liberated, I am still baffled that most people did not speak up. What was the political interest behind all this? Why Vietnam. Once again, the US was unable to stay out of things. But the worst part of it is that people remain ignorant of the real reasons behind the political strategies that remain within an elite that governs civilizations as we know it. We glorify war and the utilization of machinery. Young children are being already infiltrated by little war games- it is cool to be a soldier. No, it is not. It gets turned into false patriotism. People who come out of war zones do not only suffer from PTSD of what they have seen but rather what they have done. It is the beast that can be activated within us. But about this we do have a choice. We may boycott the dulled down senses of our society, we can boycott this beast and recognize that as much as this beast we can awaken to the truth and choose to follow the higher path. I remember being 25 years old, I finished university and I felt empty and lost, because it had no meaning to me. All seemed to be a certain way that we do things, we get into the system and then that is it? It is not enough for me.
I remember being in Lebanon many years ago when I was still working as a touring live sound engineer: I had never experienced such strength yet such frailty in a country. It touched me deeply and I know now that the real awakening must have started somewhere there. The bombed buildings staring at me from the window of my hotel room, I could not discard that this had also been a part of this country, so I had to go beyond the cruelty in order to find its beauty. The sight of Baalbeck and a tank driving through the streets at the same time seemed a large contrast that I would never forget about for the rest of my life. Others may have gone home and never given it a second thought, but for me the heart was seemingly transformed in a matter of weeks.
We can inform ourselves through channels that may not be so broad-band. Get out of your seats, folks. Stop watching TV and wake up. You are in charge of your life.
The last six years I have spent in relative neutrality, but I feel that it is time to speak up rather than staying silent for what is my life worth staying in hiding? It would be fearful to stay in hiding. It does not make me very content- I realized that this 9-5 drill is not for me, never has been and never will be. But I realized that deep down in these horrifying events that keep on taking place, I found my inner peace and also some beauty. Also this no one can take away from me. This is the silent war that we must all fight internally, already the Bhagavad Gita states this clearly.
So what will be your choice?
Will you wake up or will you stay dulled down?
Vanessa
A Beautiful World 