Once upon a time when I was a child, I remember sitting in one of my favorite trees and while I was sitting there contemplating nothingness, I saw no point of going to school or why we were being educated and be pushed into a system.
When you are a child you see the world in a different manner.
I remember that I learned reading very late. It seemed like a tedious task. But sure, it was a prerequisite in order to enter this system.
Now decades later after having read copious amounts of books, I am starting to wonder about all of this. Do I actually enjoy reading? I have seen that reading all this material has become a hindrance on my spiritual path. Mrs. Tweedie just sat with her Guru. She had read a lot before she came to him, but to understand her awakening she was forced to just sit with her Guru. And that was it. He event old her that education can be a hindrance. I feel that this is my case at the moment. After having read all this material, I feel that it is such a humungous task to get rid of all this knowledge that I have built up.
And most times I understood that even reading can be very stressful for the system. It is yet another form of illusion that keeps one separated from love.
At first I thought it was my ego being lazy, but I figured that it is my mind wanting to be busy and foregoing the act of being.
I even remember doing sound school. They were useful things I learned and I understood that I needed a base for later on, but where I really learned sound, was on the job. The school did not prepare me for that. I had to learn how to lay the cables, how to set up microphones in live sound, even how the artists wanted things to be. Some of the theory of school was even standing in the way there. Sure, I knew how a sound wave traveled, I knew the whole theory behind it, but it did not prepare me for setting up speakers in the rain on a mud-field and pulling cables out from underneath bleachers. Trust me, it is a whole other ball-game.
So I am starting to wonder about all this reading, having watched a gazillion videos on awakening, etc. I can be a bit OCD when it comes to things. So after Switzerland I decided it’s time to be less OCD, to cut myself some slack, and to just go to work and relax the rest of the time. Direct experience of God consciousness does not depend on books. One cannot learn it, happiness cannot be found in anything on the outside. Looking back at my Switzerland trip, I realized that I was just happy being there at this place. I didn’t need to go on massive hikes, just took some photos here and there, and the rest of the time I ate, slept, and was happy.
No reading required.
The first years on tour I was just so happy: I only had to hang speakers, set up support bands, and the rest of the time watch the amps and enjoy the show. That’s it. But then my ego kicked in and it had to be more, bigger, better positions,… You get the point. Little did I know that better positions came with much more responsibility and I lost the fun somehow along the way. I forgot that at the end of the day it’s about the people that you are touring with, the cultures you come in contact with, and the things that you are seeing. I just did the jobs and was there, but in reality I just wanted to be. I stopped enjoying the shows and it became tedious to “do” them, I started bickering, being ungrateful. How bizarre as it had been my dream to go on tour, to see the world.
I also remember that during one of my first years working in sound I visited the sound team on Shakira when they came to Zurich. I met one of the guys hanging the speakers and he told me a story that he had a really bad accident while being on a tour. He said he was so stressed all the time and then he decided that he just wanted to stick with hanging speakers. I did not understand it back then but now I do so many years later. Is it worth all the stress to actually fall ill? I don’t think so. Nothing is worth that.
It feels like I have gone through a complete re-set. I don’t need to read in my free time, I can go and hang out somewhere and watch people. I don’t need to “do” stuff. Just find that joy underneath that rubble. Where has it gone?
You tell me. Is it not nicer to just sit in a tree and watch clouds pass by?
How often are you happy per week just being?