It is everyone’s least favorite topic: Dying. If it is not yours, feel free to stop reading right now. I do not take it personally.
As most of you know, I have experienced an NDE when I was fourteen years of age. It was an extremely profound event in my life and one cannot be the same as everybody else after that. One part remains within that experience. It is nothing to be scared of. It is an incredibly beautiful experience and I remain surprised that most people are so fearful of death. Maybe it is the fear of what we were not able to achieve in this lifetime, the grasping onto this physical form in this lifetime, the desperate wish that we could have left more of a mark on others. Who knows.
Death is as if one stands in front of the void that I saw once in a dream: It is peaceful, nothing left to do, nothing left to achieve, and nowhere left to go. One stands within this nothingness and feels tremendous peace that cannot be described. It is as if one is floating in an immense ocean and one is at the hands of fate, but safely guarded.
Over the course of this lifetime I then realized that even Kundalini has been active from a young age. It is my own life-force that is expressing herself through me. The near-death experience was in fact one of my rises of Kundalini as I am having similar things going on right now. Maybe it was too much for a small body back then, I am starting to wonder about this.
So, being at the brink of it again, second time in my life, I can feel that life-force is dwindling. I should be resting most of the time, but I got bills to pay. This world is not made for awakenings. It is made for money. Not all of it and I do not want to rain on anyone’s parade, but most of it is made for a fast living without thinking about it twice. I still have my episodes of becoming frustrated about it. I have questioned society as long as I can remember. Sometimes I am at ease with it, but most times I look at everyone rushing mindlessly about, running in this hamster wheel and would like to know whether they even question their lifestyles once. Does not everyone run across this moment, I wonder? But having endured a year of “normalcy”, I came to realize that most people do not stop and ask themselves.
They never ask: What is the purpose of all of this?
Maybe it is my cross to bear in this lifetime to have asked such questions from an extremely young age. Maybe I will never get an answer to this. Maybe I will.
But today I realized that I really need to live each day as if it was my last. Not in a state of perfection but one of beauty and rapture. To dwell in each moment as if it was my last, because after all: What if it was really my last one?
Then how would I have wanted to spend it? Certainly not in a job I dislike.
And that’s it. Make it count, not in an exaggerated manner, but to live as if there was no tomorrow.
Can one then move always further within and say: Today, I have gone into my heart and can leave everything as it is.
There are some Buddhists who only possess a few items and each night they make everything up as if they would not wake up the next day. They do not want to burden anyone.
Maybe I do not have to take it to that extreme, but to find an equilibrium in a life where sensitives have not so much space…
So today I figured is a good day to die, much like any. Even if it just in an energetic form of my ego.
I am wishing you all a beautiful end of the year 2022 in our solar calendar.
May your day be filled with peace.