“This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief.”
Death came knocking at my door.
Not prepared, I was pleading for more
She said: “Do not fear me, for I am a part of Him.”
I answered: “Is this not a trick to take me on a whim?”
She felt furious and took my ego in disguise,
I laughed and cried,
I kid you not.
She took her scythe and chopped off my foot.
I screamed at her in agony,
Why was she doing this to me?
She said you must suffer to be reborn
Unless you try darkness
You may never see light.
I nodded my head and this made me sway.
Then I remembered the trick
A teacher taught me:
I prayed to God with all my might
And all at once
The angels came to my aid,
they took away my fears
And helped me to surrender
I wailed and sang hail to Grace,
I wondered why I had forgotten
Their mighty embrace.
Death departed with her scythe,
My foot restored,
I said: “You were the devil in disguise.”
Don’t taunt me with your impertinent
For I know who you are now
and I surrender only to God
And follow my own ways.
Relieved I sat surrounded by the angels’ wings
Their embrace so soft
Yet put me up to their strings
That lead to heaven.
I wish to disappear
To the edges of the
Where no one can
Where there exists
No radio frequencies,
I wish to disappear
Into my own being
Where I may find love
Instead of fear,
Where there exists
A vast ocean
“Your silver has become dross, your wine mixed with water.”
– Isaiah, 1.22
As I stood above the once golden city I watched as it had burned to ashes. Few buildings had been left standing. My face grew dark in compassion. The angel stood beside me to show me reign of terror, caused by anger and greed. I looked at her with tears streaming down
My face. I asked her: “How come this city has been burnt to ashes? Certainly no one deserves this.” She answered: “Dear ancient one. How come people must suffer every day? They have created their own cycle of suffering amongst them. Do you truly believe that we would inflict harm on anyone?”
I nodded in understanding, yet September sadness streamed from my heart.
“Who were they that they inflicted such pain upon themselves?”, I wondered aloud.
She answered silently: “They were the ones who did not believe in miracles and lost hope.”
I instantly understood that oll one needs to do is hold on to love. Immortal love that brings us ever closer. Who would we be without this love?
As I turned and moved back to the entrance that I came from a great wind surged over the surface of the fallen city. When I reached the half closed doors of freedom,
I looked back once more to take another glimpse of the devastation,
But nothing was left but a great plain.
And so it starts all anew…
Built on water I saw this great city standing in the morning sun. The roofs glistened
while birds flew over the clear blue skies. At Santa Maria della Salute, I tried to greet the face of the lagoon. Its sadness reflected in my retina, I cried her tears of long lost love.
The world had turned into a different way of being. Life had become fast paced, on the hunt for success. The city remembered its peak days and with it came melancholy. She sighed deeply and awaited the streams of tourists coming in before the first cafes opened. She remembered how it took part in the amorous endeavors of Casanova, his passion, his games of flirtation and love. She remembered the painters and writers, the forsaken, the young and old that had dwelled in her embrace, the lagoon softly swaying everyone to sleep. She had resonated with the exuberance of her inhabitants over millennia, even remembering the grueling parts of the pest. She was young, wanted and had welcomed visitors from the orient with their strange looking clothes and elegant merchandise. She remembered how she had been fatigued of the events that unfolded underneath her warm embrace. Now she had become sad and spying on the little love affairs that sometimes unfolded in her calles late at night. She watched over the lovers in the gondolas and wished for different times than those that she was experiencing now. She realized how old she had become, still proud of her facade, of her churches and palaces, but underneath she felt tired.
At night she liked to hum everyone into a comfortable sleep, something so brilliant and shining that no one realized that she was holding everyone in her loving arms. She sang to them her old love songs, her arias of unrequited love. She filled the sleepless with wonder so that they may become deep sleepers. Some resisted, but still knew that she was there for them. Forgetfulness started being her every day romance. She knew she was becoming a sleeping city. Where were the young ones, the ones that held her firmly in their embrace. The ones that still knew her heartbeat. Not many were left, but a new arrival had peaked her interest. Her name was Ezekiel and with her the city had been catapulted out of her slumber.
Everywhere and always.
We’re sky bound.
Are you coming?”
Little steps I take
On uncertain ground.
Underneath my feet.
I struggle to stand
Yet love holds me up.
Fear makes one drown.
Desert dreams long gone
I stare into this Western sky.
So strange to me,
I wonder who invented it.
So foreign to me.
Yet, I come from this country.
Who am I?
I wonder in this eternal grave of concrete.
Happens to everyone
Once in a while
You say to me.
Dropping from your mouth.
I wonder how one could be so sad
For an eternity.
Have you forgotten to love?,
I wonder aloud.
You look at me and say
That all needs to go-
No falsehood can be derived out of love.
Truth, as a matter of fact
Is sharp and grants freedom.
All else will diminish
Your sense of power.
In your closets.
Who are you
If no one else but me?
Are you coming?
Golden tears I cried both night and day
With you by my side
I may not sway.
Be open to love’s
We are here to face
Discard all that is not love
She said to me
For it will bring a lot of
Wanting and needing are only
What is on peoples’
It may be the devil in disguise.
Wish for love and compassion to everyone
For all we know
You may be gone
Let not this world’s craziness
For it is a must
To stay clear
Of violence and greed
So you may succeed
In your endeavor
To see a brighter tomorrow.
“God never forsakes anyone.”
– Messages from the angels
Of course as always, my ego has been struggling with accepting its defeat. Wanting to be more, wanting to be someone or something, it was resisting yet another phase of the heart becoming more open. Lion’s gate came and went and with its impact has removed a lot of debris that I came here to shed. There was a lot of fear moving out and has left me tired and drained as always. One day I was unable to stand it and so I decided to drown myself in Netflix, which has become an extremely rare occasion.
The previous days I went to visit a church and the synagogue here in Essen, but I felt that it left me non-the-wiser. I just knew that I had to go. As mentioned in my previous post, I felt that I had to maybe become part of one or the other religion. It had something to do with past lifetimes where I had belonged to each one of them and many more that are not known these days, but visiting these places of worship, I came to the conclusion once more that I can worship God in my heart wherever I go.
Sufis say that each person is an emanation of God and that they have the direct link. The heart is the key to it all. All other energy centers will open eventually once the heart has been sufficiently opened.
So instead of dwelling in yet another place of “official” worship I made my peace with the fact that in this lifetime I do not need to belong to any of them.
And so the last days have been full of wonder: Angelic messages are coming in, the voice of God is back, quiet and peaceful, books are coming to me about angels and their appearance in peoples’ lives as humans. The mouthpieces of others have always something to tell me if I just listen and don’t let my petty ego get in the way. I realized that wanting to belong to a religion is yet another form of egotistical pattern. It is a way of saying I am right and the others are wrong, unless we are able to accept all religions and paths of faith.
I had been wondering where my angels had gone. Had God forsaken me in this time of illness?
Was he looking the other way?
But yesterday was a day full of wonder and so my Holy Guardian angel conveyed the message form above: “God never forsakes anyone.”
And how could he? It is impossible as God is experiencing himself through us.
He needs to experience all our suffering and all our joy. So how could I ever complain about all my issues when His are so much larger. It is a petty understanding of my own ego to be wanting to not suffer, but in a way my suffering serves the understanding that God never forsakes anyone after all. He is guiding us through our lives and so do the angels. So how could I ever even be so hypocritical to think that I would be forsaken even for one second.
It is impossible.
If you have been struggling with things then maybe it is time to take a few steps back, take a deep breath and relax. And only listen to what is coming from inside. That very quiet voice that hardly ever speaks, that is the voice you need to listen to. It will only say loving and kind things unlike the ego that nags and will want to put you down.
So never listen to that petty voice and go for the kind and loving one that will always have your back.
We always believe ourselves to be so independent from everything and everyone when in reality life is an interdependent play of divine consciousness.
Yesterday morning I decided I needed to come clean with some religions. You may wonder why. It felt like something from past lifetimes where I have been a part of one or the other religion. So I felt that it was time to explore whether I needed to belong to one or the other (or even another) in this current lifetime. First I went to the Dome here in Essen. As I have a strong connection with Holy Mary, I felt that it was a good start. There is a golden statue of Holy Mary on display. The Dome held nothing of the Holy vibration that I feel at the Dome in Aachen, but nonetheless it is a place of worship. I sat in front of the statue and instead of her displaying her bedazzling energy, there was so much light emanating from me that I thought the cleaning Lady who was about would most likely faint. In another corner there was another interesting display at hand: A man named Nikolaus Groß who displayed enormous courage during World War II and went against the Nazi regime. He wrote letters out of prison to his family saying that he was having conversations with God. He mentioned that he would not support such a regime and would pray.
I realized that I came to see this rather than the statue of Holy Mary. Even though I love my Saints and Sages, I realized that even any commoner can do it. Especially in this day and age when all is accessible right here and now. We can all be elevated and have our close connection to God. All we need is faith.
I left the church and passed through the inner courtyard which was beautiful and looked like out of a movie. I also came to see that.
As I was already close by, I felt that it was time to visit the old synagogue that rests around the corner of the dome. On my way there psychic images of World War II came into my head and I had to fight hard not to follow them. Essen has a grueling history and living here as a psychic is not very easy. Some parts of the city are absolutely beautiful and some are just terrible. The synagogue was closed and only to open in another ten minutes. So I decided to wait and take a look at the heavy iron clad doors with their ornaments. Some made sense: The snake, some Hebrew writings for protection, some diagrams that I am not so familiar with. In the middle there was a display of a magical hand gesture. I remember reading about it in one of Dion Fortune’s writings, but could not remember the meaning of it. It looked alien to me. When the doors opened I had a sense of dread. It is not because of the history of Word War II, but the whole place felt off.
As no one was there they let me visit for free, but the place was heavy and dense with pain and suffering. The energy was not elevating or spiritual. It felt off. I wished that someone would clear the whole thing. When standing at the top and looking down at the altar, I felt that this was not a good place to be at. The whole of it felt off. Even though I have visited Jerusalem and was a few weeks in Tel Aviv where I experienced a lot of mystical things, this one did not go down well.
I left utterly fatigued and drained and had to go home immediately where I slept off the remnants of pain and suffering.
The underlying message was that I am not to be with any form of religion in this lifetime. Neither resonated with me. It felt like too much psychic noise was interfering with being able to receive anything of value.
And so I felt once more that spirituality is something different in this day and age, something that comes from within. It is not taught but rather infused by spirit one aims to experience unconditional love and to heal from within.
I marked yesterday as yet another excursion into the land of the strange and psychic but it gave a good clearing for me to understand my own consciousness.
May you all find your path in this lifetime.
“And as for the likeness of their
faces, each of the four had the face
Of a man and the face of a lion on
The right side; each of the four
had the face of an ox and the face of
an eagle on the left side.”
– EZEKIEL 1.10
…and as silence fell upon my wretched body
The angel stood behind me
In all her glory.
She stood there
And watched over me.
In the white chapel
I was alone
While God’s Grace descended
Upon my being.
Tears streamed form my
I asked the angel who she was
And why she was behind me.
She answered that otherwise
I would die of fright.
So mesmerizing and brilliant was her splendor
That I dared not to turn
And so she continued to tell me the
Tale of the rivers of
Pishon, Gihon, Euphrates, and Tigris.
Not three of them but four
Were the human streams of consciousness
To abide by.
All four of them
Together made the human
So that each of them could guide us through life.
Each angel to take us underneath their wings.
Faith as the important pillar in the middle
Would guide one through one’s life.
Love can never be discarded and
One must look for beauty
wherever one may go.
She said to pass once more
To find my way through
All that does not serve.
As the devils left
A weight had lifted from
No longer was I bound by law of man
But the one of beauty and love.
All fell silent as the angel disappeared
Leaving me once more
To question whether this was real.